Sunday, September 11, 2011

Divorce or Separation and Social Networks

With so many people using social networks like Twitter and Facebook, it can become quite common to talk to family members and friends on those networks in the same way you might talk to them in your own living room. However, if you're going through a divorce or separation, a little more caution might be needed. It's important to know when the proper time to share with family and friends is, and how it should be done.

Posting Status Updates - Even if your profiles aren't public, you should watch your status updates. It can be tempting to vent on your social networks and say bad things about your wife or soon-to-be ex wife. However, there's always a chance that the post could get back to your wife. You may not care about this, but if she would take a screenshot of the status and take it to court with her, it could really backfire on your child custody case. It could make you look juvenile, and it could potentially sway the judge in her favor. So one of the things you really have to think about when you're posting status updates is what the judge would think if he could see them. This is especially important if you're going to court for custody as well.

Family - Another thing you'll want to think about is family. A divorce or child custody situation is without a doubt an awkward situation for families, especially those people who love both you and your wife. By saying bad things about your wife, you could be hurting other people that you don't have a problem with. If you're friends with your older children, this could be devastating to them. They may act like it doesn't bother them, or that they're 'on your side,' but the truth is that it does hurt them and it could make them resent you later in life. For family's sake, it's important to watch those updates and your words on the internet.
If you want to vent or need to tell family members something, you should speak with them in person, and be discreet about things. While it may feel better to say whatever pops into your head at the moment, in the long run it's a better idea to be tactful and careful of what you say on social networks. Watch your words so you don't have to deal with them coming back to bite you in the backside later.


  1. Good advice :) I just stumbled across your blog tonight and I will definitely be doing a lot more reading through it. My boyfriend is currently going through a divorce/custody issue and any advice and tips are more than welcome, I imagine your blog is a good place to start. Thanks!!

  2. Part1: I couldn't have stated this better. As a father who recently won custody of my son and fighting ridiculous allegations against me, I have to concur by advising you to "keep your head in the game". Go about your daily life the best you can, resist backlash and outbursts, and conduct yourself accordingly. The judge will decide very critically who the best parent is for the child(ren) and the parent who clearly shows restraint, professionalism and positive attitude is the one likely to be awarded custody. I never spoke negatively about his mother regardless of my personal feelings of her. The children are the ones caught in the middle and are vulnerable to coercion, victimization, and other negative influences so be a good paarent. The best thing is to be calm and supportive. If the other parent isn't, well, that's their problem. Don't give them ammunition to use against you. Most importantly, seek out an attorney who specializes in these types of cases. Do a little research by seeing if there are client reviews online of the potential attorney and use that to help you choose the right one. I advise one that is aggressive too. Typical family practices want to seek a compromise as quick as possible but the aggressive ones have a more vested interest in winning. You get what you pay for. My attorney also happens to be a circuit court judge who has been practicing law since the early 1970's so he has seen everything there is. Be prepared to pay out too. How much is your child worth? I'm not rich by any means but I borrowed everything I could to fight this. My child is worth every penny to me so I will fight until I'm penniless if that's what it takes. Child custody battles START at around $3,500 so be ready for that. Those who believe in you can help out too. Don't try and take it on all by yourself. Get support from your church members, family and neighbors. There is strength in numbers folks. Have to take a polygraph? If it is absolutely necessary and your attorney agrees, get one from an entity that is NOT on the government payroll. That cannot be stressed enough. Those government agencies are being paid to find you guilty or else their funding is cut off since they cannot then refer you to (you guessed it) a state-ran counseling program of some sort. Same goes for exams like psychosexual and psycological types. Again, take the advice of your attorney and do NOT speak about your case to anyone other than him or people you trust, and I mean trust with your life. It is true that "what you say can be used against you" so heed that warning when you are read your rights. That's why you hired an attorney. He knows what to say and will ask you the questions he wants answers to. So other than what you say to him, shut the hell up and stop posting rediculousness on Facebook, or any other social media site. IT WILL COME BACK AND HAUNT YOU. -->

  3. Part2: You also need to write down thoughts or questions that are relevant to pass on to your attorney. He will give you a list of things he needs answers to so be thorough and clear. gather up text messages and emails that pertain to your case. help your attorney out with tasks like that so he can work faster. Another tip is to take some time to write down a summarized timeline and dates of events that led up to this event. The "who/what/when/where/how" stuff will help him develop a strategy for you. If you make them do all the legwork and digging for answers, this will likely cost you time and even more money so help out wherever you can. Be proactive in your case but not a nuisance. Email him breaking news when it happens and log everything so you don't forget. As for the kids, know who their teachers are, where they go to school, who their dentist/doctors are, etc. This shows you are involved in their lives. The judge will often ask these kinds of questions and will help you look good. You should know that stuff anyway but if not, get on it. Finally, be patient! Custody cases often take months and even beyond a year to resolve so be prepared for the long haul if need be. Good luck to all of you in your fight for your children.